


The Fine Art of Being Totally and Helplessly in Love

by Panicsinbisexual



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Marriage Proposal, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Multi, Nicknames, Punk Sirius Black, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panicsinbisexual/pseuds/Panicsinbisexual
Summary: Falling in love was something Remus Lupin had, in all honesty, never planned on doing. He would go on dates or have one night stands but he would always end up ghosting him. That is, of course, until he met Sirius Black after his little brother stood him up.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 5





	1. What Happens When You Listen To Lily Evans

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Just letting y’all know the first chapter may not be very interesting but I’m trying!

Remus Lupin was a man of order. Maybe that’s why he’s had the same iPhone 7 since October of 2017. Maybe that’s why he bloody despised it when his best friend (Lily Evans) would just waltz into his house unannounced. Maybe that’s why he always ghosted people after the first date. Most things he did were direct causes from his love and need for order.   
  


Unlike her best friend, Lily Evans was known for her spontaneousness. She would go to parties she wasn’t invited to and she would talk to random people in random coffee shops after she forced Remus to pack a bag and go on an unplanned, uncalled for and (in Remus’ opinion) a rather unorganized road trip to some place very far away from where ever they were living at that point in time. Whether it was England or Greece, Lily would always make sure they went great distances away from it. 

Lily (as per usual) swung the door open to Remus’ apartment that he had just moved into. Lily had moved in to the apartment right next to his. Most people may think it was coincidental or just pure luck that they had always ended up together, however that’s how it had always been. Wherever one went so did the other, and that’s how it had been since they were merely eight years old.   
  


Remus dropped his phone onto his face leaving his lip pulsing with pain. “Lils, we’ve talked about this. You need to knock.” Remus looked at her with a fake disappointed look.

Lily reached into the bag she had brought and pulled out two bottles and held them up. “I brought wine?” She said smiling.

“Oh would you look at that. I forgive you.” He said sitting up. “Now come on and look at these people on Tinder with me. The people here are really _something_.”

“Oh you know I will, darling. Just let me fill up some glasses.” She said smiling. Whenever Remus and Lily moved they used Tinder as a way to see what exactly they were in for when it came to the people there. Normally they came along no one and I mean _no one_ that looked worth their time. 

Lily walked into the kitchen to pour the wine and yelled “Read the first one to me!”   
  
The first boy was _exactly_ Lily’s type. Actually saying he was exactly Lily’s type would be an extreme understatement. He had glasses, messy brown curly hair, and a goofy smile. “James Potter! 19 as well, very fit, messy hair, glasses, plays like four different sports-”

”Wow.” Lily said cutting him off. “Sounds bloody gorgeous!” She said pouring the wine.

“Oh, darling he is!”   
  


“Let me see him!” She said excitedly while walking back into the living room with the wine glasses in her hand.

Remus pointed the phone at her. She was practically drooling at the sight of him. “Lils. You got something right there.” Remus said pointing to the corner of his own mouth while smirking.   
  


“Oh do I? Do I really Rem?” She said while punching him as Remus laughed. “Bloody idiot.” She murmured to herself as she sat next to him. 

“Click through his pictures.” Remus said.

“Okay.” As Lily clicked through his pictures someone in the third picture caught Remus’ eye. He was a rather average height, had long black hair, deep grey eyes and a smile to make anyone faint. He was standing next to James at what looked like a coffee shop. “Look at who’s drooling now.” Lily laughed.   
  
“Oh shut it, loser.” Remus said shoving her lightly.

“Maybe not _everyone_ here is completely revolting. You know he’d look absolutely gorgeous in pastel pink. It would bring out his-“ 

“Lils.” Remus said cutting her off. 

”Yes?”

“I swiped. Like away from him...” Remus explained quietly. 

“Oh...” Lily whispered back. “Well that’s alright. I’m sure we’ll find someone else.”

“Oh, yeah for sure.” Remus said with a fake confidence.   
  


They scrolled for some time, seen some of the weirdest people they had ever seen in their lives and then they came across a boy named Regulus Black. He was 18, extremely attractive, had long black hair and piercing blue eyes. He also seemed very cold, most likely emotionally unavailable but that’s nothing to what relationship issues Remus has had in the past.   
  


“He’s attractive.” Lily pointed out.   
  


“Rather.”   
  


“Nothing compared to the boys we seen before though.” Lily murmured under her breath.   
  


“Okay Lils, I get it. I said I’m sorry.”   
  
“I know, I know. It’s okay. I just wish you hadn’t.”

“Oh trust me. So do I...” Remus sighed. “So do I.”   
  


_Time skip..._

Remus had landed a date with Regulus but turns out (as he had assumed) he was definitely more than emotionally unavailable. It had been two hours since they had scheduled and he had yet to so much as text Remus to cancel. So he sat in Gryffindor Coffee Shop alone, his head popping up every time someone would come to the door. It was never Regulus.   
  


Remus picked up his phone and called Lily. “Hello?” She said through the phone. “Is your date going well?”   
  


“He never showed. I’ve been sitting here alone and have had, like, three large teas while staring holes into the door. God Lily it’s humiliating.” Remus sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose.   
  


“Oh, darling. I’m so sorry. You wanna watch Princess Diaries and shove our faces with mint chocolate chip ice cream until we puke?”   
  


“You know me too well Lily Evans.” Remus laughed.

“What are best friends for? Now I’m gonna come pick you up. When does it close? I don’t want you sitting outside or something.”

“In like.” Remus looked down at his watch. “15 minutes give or take?”

”Damn it.” Lily murmured. “Okay I’m on my way. Gryffindor right?” 

“Well of course.” 

“Okay.”   
  


“Excuse me sir?” A voice said. A worker presumably. Remus looked up to see none other than James Potter, the boy from Tinder.   
  


Remus jaw dropped a little. “Lils. I’m going to have to call you back.” Remus said hanging up. “Yes?” He asked James.

”I was wondering if you were supposed to be on a date with Regulus Black?” James asked looking slightly nervous.  
  


“I was but he never showed.” Remus said quietly. He and James made eye contact as Remus cleared his throat. “But I’m not sure why that is any of your concern.”   
  


“This is the guy Sirius!” James yelled to the back. He turned back to Remus and said “Well you see, that’s my best friend’s little brother and Regulus has quite the reputation for standing people up, insulting them on dates, breaking hearts, you name it.”

”And?”

“ _And_ he was going on and on about you the other night. We were shocked when we found out he wasn’t going to show.”

”We?” Remus was more than confused at this point.   
  


  
“Sirius. Sirius Black.” The other boy said walking out from behind the counter. “Nice to meet you.” He said with a charming smile while holding his hand out.

Remus shook his hand and murmured “Pleasure.”   
  


“What was that?” Sirius asked.   
  


“Nothing.” Remus sighed. 

”Oh yeah. I just realized I never introduced myself. I’m James Potter.” James said holding his hand out. Remus took his hand and shook it.   
  


The bell on the door rang and all of there heads snapped towards it. None other than Lily Evans walked through the door. “Oh, Lils thank god you’re here.” Remus said standing up. James had looked at her like she had just been shot by Cupid’s arrow.   
  


“Remus darling, do you know these people?” Lily said smiling and going to stand next to him. “They seem rather bothersome.” Lily and Remus had a system when it came to strangers. Be as bitchy as possible (no matter how bloody gorgeous they were).

”James Potter and Sirius Black.” Remus explained pointing to each of them. “Apparently they know precious little Regulus.” Remus’ words sounded as if they had been lined with venom.   
  


“Well it’s nice to meet the both of you, but I’m just going to steal Remus from the both of you if that’s alright.” Lily said.   
  


“It’s a pleasure to meet you. What’s your name red?” James asked completely ignoring what she had just said.   
  


“Lily Evans. What’s it to you Potter?”   
  


“Well _Evans_ , normally I want to know peoples’ names before I take them out.” James winked.   
  


Lily scoffed. “You wish. I don’t even know you.”   
  


“Oh, come on.” James smiled. “How about you just give me your number?” 

  
Lily looked at Remus with a questioning look. Remus nodded slowly. “Fine. Give me your phone.” She said holding out her hand.   
  


After Lily put her number into James phone and handed it back. “Now as much as I would absolutely _love_ to see the rest of this, me and Lily must be on our way. Goodbye.” Remus said grabbing Lily’s arm and walking out.   
  


“Holy shit. It’s them.” Lily said as they walked out.   
  


“I know.” 


	2. The Unlikely Adventures of Bitchface and Go Fuck Yourself

“Abso fucking lutely not.” Remus said.   
  


“Why? James just wants to hang out and so does Sirius. They’re not _that_ bad _.”_ Lily persuaded. (or at least she tried to)

  
It had been two weeks since Lily had given James her phone number and they had all met at that coffee shop. Since then James and Lily have been pretty much nonstop talking, as well as they had hung out at least five times since then. Today they were supposed to hang out one on one as they usually did by today for some unknown reason, Sirius would be joining them and wanted Remus to come along.   
  


“Because.” Remus answered.   
  


They were in Lily’s living room after they had just watched Means Girls for what seemed like the 20th time today when Lily brought up the option of Remus coming along. Remus (as she assumed) denied right away.   
  


“Because why?” Lily asked.   
  


“Because... I just don’t want to.” Remus said crossing him arms.

Lily could tell he was lying. Whenever Remus lied the small dimple he had next to the corner of his mouth would stand out much more. “Rem. I can tell you’re lying.” She said flatly.   
  


“Okay, okay fine. It’s just.” Remus took in a large breath. “I don’t want to feel like a burden.” Remus started, his words were quick and jumbled together. “And if I’m there I know I’ll be one and you have been so happy with him and I might change that and all I want is for you to be happy.” Remus didn’t share his feelings. The one person he could ever share his feelings with was Lily, and still then she had to pry him to tell her.   
  


“Rem.” Lily whispered softly with guilt in her eyes. “I promise we don’t think you’ll be a burden or something. I love you and if James thinks that you’re a burden or annoying then I’ll fucking drop him.”   
  


“Pinky promise?” Remus asked sticking out his pinky. Lily smiled and grabbed his pinky with hers and shook it. 

“Now come on. I have to pick something to wear.” At the moment she was wearing a maroon sweatshirt she bought thrifting, a pair of black sweatpants with holes in them that she’s had since she was 16 and her hair in a bun.   
  
  


“Wait. Wait. Wait. Did you call him James?” He asked loudly.   
  


“No...Now let’s go.” She said grabbing his hand. 

  
She looked beautiful. She was now wearing a brown plaid dress with a light tan button up underneath and her hair was curled slightly. “God if I wasn’t gay.” Remus said staring at her. Whenever Lily went out ever she always got very _very_ nervous so Remus always tried to calm her nerves down by saying the dumbest things he can think of.   
  


Lily laughed. “Thanks Rem. I needed that.”

”Anything for you darling.” He winked.   
  


“God, you’re such a loser.” She laughed again.   
  


“Now let’s go see your stupid bitchy friends.” He smiled.   
  


“Well, soon they’re going to be your stupid bitchy friends.”

”Doubt it.”

”Bitchface!” Remus said flipping Sirius off.   
  


“Honestly, go fuck yourself!” Sirius retaliated.   
  


It had been about an hour since James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus all met at Hogsmede and let’s just say Sirius and Remus were not the best of friends.   
  


“I don’t think this was the best idea we’ve ever had.” Lily whispered to James.   
  


“You can say that again.” James whispered back while staring at them. Remus and Sirius were currently staring at each other like they were about to murder each other.   
  


“Honestly you two. What are you children?” Lily whispered yelled to them. Sirius and Remus just looked down. Lily Evans, all though one of the kindest people on Earth, is an entirely different person when she’s mad. “Now James and I are going to be right back. Stay the fuck here.”

Remus sighed. “Look what you did.”   
  


“What I did? What do you mean what _I_ did? This is all your fault. I didn’t even do anything!” Sirius defended.   
  


“Sure.” Remus said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.   
  


“Must you argue with everything I do?” Sirius asked.   
  


“No. That’s just a plus.” 

“Can you at least _try_ to not argue with me? For James and Evans.” 

“Fine if we must. But just for Potter and Lily.” Remus replied.   
  


“So what do you think they’re doing.” Sirius asked after a while.   
  


“If I know Lily, and I do, they’re probably looking at candles.” Remus said flatly.  
  


“That or snogging.” 

Remus smiled a little. “Not the image I needed.” He laughed slightly. 

They sat in silence until Lily and James came back. That was almost an hour.

“Have you even said a word to each other?” Lily asked when she and James came back. “You guys could at least _try_ to be friends.”

”Sorry Evans, but I highly doubt that will happen anytime soon with these bloody twits.”   
  


“Okay well I’m going to go home with Remus.” Lily explained.   
  


“Okay. Later Evans.” He said holding out his fist.   
  


“Later.” She said bumping his fist with hers.   
  


As soon as Lily and Remus left the shop Sirius asked James “Why is it always the attractive ones who hate me?”


	3. If You Listened To ABBA For Him, He Must Be Important

As Lily scream sang the words to Honey Honey by ABBA from her apartment Remus’ head shot up from his book. _What is she on about?_ Remus thought to himself. So (naturally) he got up and walked to Lily’s’ apartment because Lily only listened to ABBA on two conditions. Either she was heartbroken or she had finally gotten a partner. The last time Lily was blaring it was when she had just gotten dumped by Narcissa Malfoy. 

Once he got there he knocked several times before she finally answered. “Hello darling.” Lily said with a smile.   
  


“Are you alright?” Remus asked.   
  


“Why wouldn’t I be silly?”   
  


“Well it’s been at least five _whole_ seconds and you have _yet_ to say _anything_ sarcastic. I think you’re sick.” Remus gasped. “Or you’ve been replaced by aliens!” Remus walked in and started looking around. “Lily! Lily Jolene Evans! Oh hello, Potter.” He said as he continued to walk around. “Wait, Potter?!” He said turning back around swiftly.   
  


James was sitting on her couch. “Um, hello.” He said smiling awkwardly.   
  


“Lils, it’s seems you have a stalker.” Remus said looking at Lily.   
  


“Actually, Remus I have something to tell you.” She said slowly while walking over to him.   
  


“Okay...” He said slowly looking at her confused. 

“Potter and I are dating.” She said quickly.   
  


He took in a large breath. “Oh thank god.” Lily looked at him confused. “I thought you were about to tell me you were pregnant or something.” He said with a relieved face.   
  


“You’re not mad?”   
  


“Why would I be mad silly? I just want you to be happy and if this dumbass makes you happy, why am I to intrude on it?”   
  


“I thought you didn’t like him?”   
  


“Oh, darling I don’t _but_ your happiness means more to me than who _makes_ that happen, whether I hate them or not.”   
  


“Oh thank god. Now hug me you loser.” She said opening her arms. Remus wrapped his arms around her neck as she wrapped hers around his waist.   
  
  


“Now as much as I’d absolutely love to hear all the gory details, _An Affair Of Poisons_ is _screaming_ my name. Goodbye, darling.” Remus said letting go and walking to the door.   
  


“Bye.” She said smiling at him.   
  


“Oh and one last thing.” He said turning around.   
  


“Hmm?” Lily hummed.   
  


“I know he must be important if you listened to ABBA for him.” He smiled softly at her and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really short because I didn’t know how else to write it :’) also I mentioned “An Affair Of Poisons” and I highly recommend it. It’s an amazing book. It’s by Addie Thorley if you’re wondering:).


End file.
